I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
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