Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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