it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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