his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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