Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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