i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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