Redeem this text for a blowjob
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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