The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
