Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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