So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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