i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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