I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
drinking out of a sandbucket again
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
