I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize