so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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