I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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