3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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