They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
