dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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