There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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