I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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