Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
