ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
