I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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