You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
