***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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