Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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