i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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