i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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