I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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