The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
