I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
