let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
