the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
