so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
