we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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