...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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