I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
