Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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