Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
