I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
