i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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