remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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