thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
