She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
