If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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