i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
