I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
