i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
