Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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