well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
