it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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