8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I love you.
Bad choice
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