I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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