I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
