Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME

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(214): View more from Texas

I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute

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(910): View more from North Carolina

the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...

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(818): View more from California

Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?

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(702): View more from Nevada

Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.

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(847): View more from Illinois

she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom

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(770): View more from Georgia

We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase

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(917): View more from New York City

I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off

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