if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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