i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We got so high we made milksteak
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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